Why?

This has been a rough week. Earlier in the week a friend I went to high school with lost her nephew, who was not even a month old. Then this morning I opened my eyes checked my phone like I do every morning and I had a text from my best friend. "Call me ASAP they found Chris Shuman murdered" I rubbed my eyes and read it again. 


It has been years since I seen Chris. We somewhat kept in touch on FaceBook. My Chris' first deployment back in 2002-2003 he was dating my best friend April, who was pretty much living with me at my apartment in Savannah. So I seen him a lot, he was always around and we became closer friends, he had been friends with my husband for a year or so. He watched our Luna everytime we went out of town and always talked about how he was going to steal her cause she was so sweet. I always remember him making jokes and having a big goofy smile on his face. 




Now to hear he is gone. Taken by somebody else. I just can't believe it. I have lost friends to car wrecks, suicides and even a drowning... those were all accidents. Chris dying was no accident. Somebody pulled a trigger. I can't even comprehn how anybody can do that to another human. 


So now I find myself asking questions.. How could God do this? Twice this week. Once to an innocent baby who had so many loved ones praying and pulling for him, then to Chris- a great friend to so many people. I just don't understand and want answers. 




If anything this week has reminded me to hug my daughter and tell my friends how much they mean to me.

To the Grandparents I never met...

and the one who made my summers in Rincon the best. 

I only ever had one blood Grandparent growing up. I had/have great step-grandparents.. I don't even like using that word. I would never call my sisters  my half-sisters. Just want to talk today about my blood grandparents I never got the chance to know. My mothers parents both died when she was very young. I think she was 3 or 4 when her mother died, leukemia I think, and her dad died when she was 8 or 9 maybe? I wanna say some kind of heart failure or stroke. My dads mom died when he was 14, also heart failure. His did, my grandpa just died recently 7 or so months ago, I want to talk about him too. First though... 

To the Grandparents I never met. I often wonder what you would say to me if you were here. Would you be proud of me? Would you spoil my daughter rotten. Would you call just to talk and tell me you love me? I never met any of you but I feel you around me all the time. I wonder what life would have been like growing up with all of you in my life. I think my parents would have been so different had you not died so early in their lives, but then I realize I might not be here. Is it you I see in my dreams? I vaguely remember the pictures my Dad used to show me of you Grandma but 3 times now I have been visited by a lady in my dreams and I just get the sense its you. She never talks to me, just smiles at me, makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. Sometimes I will do something and I can almost hear a voice talking to me. Am I crazy? Just making it up in my head? I don't know... but it comforts me. To my Grandma Sophia.. I can feel you around to. I hope you are around mom to. I know she is so hurt from her childhood and the death of you and grandpa. I know almost 100% that she would totally be a different person if you were still around and things were different. You always hear though that there is a reason for everything. Maybe I am the reason. I  would have rather not been born so my parents would not had to suffer such a heartbreaking loss.  Of course I was though. I'm so thankful I was. 

And too my Grandpa that was here for 25 years of my life. I love you. I am so sorry that I didn't get to come home and see you one last time. I am so thankful you got to met McKenzie and I could just see your eyes light up every time we came to visit... which wasn't enough and I wont even go into the guilt I feel about that. I have so many memories with you and I will never forget them. You and Uncle David keep watching over daddy! He has also gone through more then I will ever know I'm sure and he is still here, keeping faith... and making me faithful. 

If anybody reads this... and your grandparents are still around. Hug them and tell them you love them. If you don't already, realize just how lucky you are to have them in your life

Shin Splints and Back Ache...Oh My!

So this week has been a set back as far as my exercising and diet have gone. I'm going to blame spring break for the eating part... Hopefully getting on track tomorrow will be easy! Tuesday I started getting horrible shin splints. It is still pretty painful going up the stairs and if I squat down to get something. I've read all over online it looks like rest is what is needed but this is going on day 6 now so I'm thinking possibly its doctor time. I would really like to get back into my workouts and running but its just to painful. Last night before bed I suddenly got some serious back pain, hoped it would be gone when I woke up today but nope, its not... I'm falling apart hah! So today I'm taking it easy. Made some Earth Day cupcakes for my Brownie Girl Scouts tomorrow and other then that I'm laying around on the heating pad. I am so lucky to have such a laid back daughter. I promised to take her swimming today but she can tell I don't feel well and has been reading or playing most of the day, every once in a while she comes and checks in on me and to see if I need anything, makes me want to pat myself on the back. I have truly raised the most awesome daughter, and why yes I will credit! 


I started Rosetta Stone this week and it is AWESOME! If you were ever thinking about learning another language it is definitively worth the money! I hope this time next year I will be able to have a conversation in GERMAN! How awesome. We have already started using some German words in the house since we have learnt them this week.. Danke, Wasser, das Madchen, die Mann, Katze, Hounde, nein, ja ... just to name a few! Exciting Stuff. 




And now I am off to try to muster the energy to plan my girl scout meeting for tomorrow! 

There he goes...

Again. Chris left early this morning for another TDY. He is going to try to come back on Wed and Fridays for ball practices and games. He is only about a 4 hour drive away but will be working 12s. I thought by now Id be used to this. Honestly though, it seems to get harder every time. So today Ive decided to keep busy, except for the fact that I am having horrible shin splints... so I haven't done much.  I managed to make a yummy breakfast, do a load of laundry and start a cute craft (pics later if it turns out ok). Now I'm being lazy. McKenzie is downstairs laying around too, still trying to get over a cold. 


Now to share some pictures from our very short spring break trip - It was so fun though! 

First stop was Legoland - It was pretty cool- Sadly my camera was dead so only got a few pictures on my phone. Thankfully we got season passes and I will post some more next time! Oh... And if you want to check out Legoland... there is one coming to Florida 2011! If you love Lego's you HAVE to go, oh and rides!

Ahh! 

I still am in love with this. They put pics on Lego's, it comes apart completely and you can put it back together. McKenzie has already done it like 20 times! 

Next Stop was a Museum in Stuttgart

Being a German Museum we needed some translation! That is what the phone looking thingy is. We just punched in the number to each exhibit and it told us all about it. Pretty neat

Hehe.

And our final stop in Stuttgart was the Botanical Gardens & Zoo

I thought these trees were so awesome

Well that's about it. Gonna do some more laundry and catch up on some TV. 

Hi and Bye!

It has been busy since Spring Break started friday. Nothing could ever top last years spring break, we spent 6 days at Disney World and had the most fun ever! Chris was just home for R&R from deployment, it was amazing! This year we went to LegoLand, and the zoo and museum in Stuttgart. Ill post some pics and more details later. Right now Chris is getting ready to leave for TDY for a month so today we will just be sucking up all the family time we can with him. Out the door for lunch we go :)

Sad Morning

Dreams that make me feel its real. Waking up to read facebook post of several people who are finding out it is real, for them. = sadness. Its a step up though people, trust me. Its not something I can get over in a few days, but I'm getting there. 

So little time...

So much I FEEL like doing!! Wow it has been years since I have had this much energy and wanted to do stuff. Yesterday I started the Couch to 5K program, if you have an iPhone check it out in the app store. I'm sure they have a website to. Yesterday we did Week 1 Day 1. I say we because my 8 year old daughter did it with me. She kept up! Shoot she did better then me. We started yesterday with 5 mins of warm up, then 60 seconds of jogging followed by 90 seconds power walking - did that for 20 mins. Then a 5 min cool down. It felt AMAZING! When we got home from our work out we cooked a healthy dinner together. Was a great afternoon. 


I also have been doing the XBOX Kinnect Biggest Loser game and its fun and HARD! I love doing it though and actually look forward to it. Another thing I have found that is really helpful in my weight loss journey is another app (man what would I do without my phone) called my fitness pal. If you look to the right on my blog you will see my tracker, you can also click the link underneath to make your own account. It is free and amazing!


Well my time is about up already. Have to go get the kiddo off the school bus and shortly we will be heading out for the first practice of baseball. Also me and my husbands first time coaching. Hope we do ok :)

It's no secret

that we have been trying to conceive another child for years now. I think everybody knows. If I haven't said it out right I'm sure some of my comments have. For years I have been holding back tears at every baby announcement I get, or baby shower I go to. Its something I am really working on now. Not to be bitter. I know there must be a reason it isn't happening for us.


I came across  blog about a lady who lost her baby. I don't even think they know the cause yet - it happened while she was at a sitter, but they are thinking SIDS. Her blog has made me so extremely thankful that I have one healthy kid. If that is all I ever get, I am happy with that. From here on out no stressing. Just going to live life. If it happens, great. If not, I will continue to cherish every single moment with my daughter and be thankful!


I wanted to share the blog. It really does just make you think how easily things can change in the blink of an eye. 

Monday Blues

What an exhausting day. Yesterday after we ran to the PX to get that cat litter I had to get, I said hey lets go to that castle! We have lived within walking distance of this castle for nearly 7 months now and I have always wanted to go just never got to it. Well the weather yesterday was beautiful. So we finally went. Some pics below. If you want to read more about the castle and its history, this link has some great info. Castle Nanstein 

Today we met with a realtor about buying a house here in Germany. It went great and we meet with a broker Thursday! I had all intentions of coming home and cleaning like a mad woman cause the house is an utter mess, but... Im so tired today. I think I will be lazy the rest of the day and spend tomorrow being mad. 

Beautiful Sunday

I haven't even been outside yet or opened the rolladens, which for those of you who don't know the term are these amazing window cover things, one of the things I will miss most about Germany when I leave I'm  sure. I mean seriously I can go in my room shut them and take a nap in the pitch black at 2pm, why yes they are awesome! I still know it's a beautiful day thought. My husband got up this morning with the kiddo that has a chest cold and I slept in till 10:30! I made us a yummy breakfast, Cinnamon sticks. Man it was hard only eating two but I am still counting those calories. Now the kiddo is in the shower,  me and the husband are in bed and he is nudging me asking what I am doing. It is a great day. 


Today we are headed to the dreaded PX to get a few things, I would go shop off base but it is Sunday and everything shuts down. I remember when things used to be like that in the states, honestly I like it like that, and if I didn't NEED kitty litter I wouldn't be going anywhere today! 


The only thing that is really on my mind today that is bothering me is forgiveness. How many times is one expected to forgive somebody? More on that later...

First week I've felt alive in some time

My husband would probably be shocked to read that sentence, but it's true. This past week was amazing. The sun is finally shining here again in Germany, seemed like I hadn't seen a glance of it in years. This week I also came across a post a friend on Facebook made to another friends page. This girl does not believe in God and is constantly posting about it, and that’s fine that’s her right. To be honest before this week I wasn't too sure how I felt about him either, I even had agnostic as my religion. Let me say now I am a very happy girl, I am so blessed to have the husband and daughter that I have, but at times they have literally been all I lived for. Anyways back to the main story. Ill call the two people Friend 1 and Friend 2. Friend 1 posted on her page "One who lives there life hoping to have a better afterlife often forgets to live in the here and now. Don’t live your life trying to get to heaven, you just might be disappointed in the end and wished you'd lived your life to the fullest, while you had life to live!"  Friend 2 then posted "that’s were faith comes in". They went back and forth a few posts and then Friend 2 posted something that really spoke to me "Having a child is a miracle in itself, so you can't tell me you only believe in yourself and nothing bigger (like Jesus)...it wouldn’t make sense..." Man that got me thinking, she is totally right. No way my beautiful daughter I’m so in love with is anything short of a miracle. If I don’t believe in God how do I explain her creation? So this week I have found my faith again. I will post later about how I lost it to begin with.

This is the second week of drinking nothing but water! I never thought I would get past my coke addiction but I am almost there. I still find myself craving it, but its easy when I just don’t by it anymore. That’s not to say that I haven’t taken a swig or two out of my husbands 2 littler bottle of Dr. Pepper he just has to have, only twice though! I also started watching my calories this week and exercising. I feel amazing and hope I can keep the motivation to keep it going! Down 5 pounds already.

Well, the sun is down, and the house getting quiet. Time for a nice hot shower and then maybe Ill pull out my grandmothers Bible.